You Dip, I Dip, We Dip. The brothers will be "manning" the dip.

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The theme is brothers. The Harbaugh brothers will go head to head in 49ers-Ravens Super Bowl, but the Manning brothers plan to serve notice as well. Quarterback sibling rivals, Peyton and Eli, will enjoy a get together with a select group of teammates, friends, and family members for Sunday’s big game. Late in the 4th quarter, both Peyton and Eli say whether the game is a nail biter or blowout — whether there’s a palpable malaise or edge of seat frenzy — they plan on springing into action.

“We’re gonna fire up a brimming bowl of piping hot cheese dip and fresh corn chips to ignite the viewers into a demented disorder of dipping delight.” Peyton Manning said.

“Trust me when I tell ya, it’s gonna be some serious motherfuckin‘ cheese dip!” chimed wide receiver Demaryius Thomas, a Bronco teammate of Peyton Manning’s. “P has got it goin‘ on with that glorious melted pastiche of Wisconsin cheddar, Époisses de Bourgogne, and Caprino della Valbrevenna with a hint of Bolivian chilies.” (more…)

Personal Growth. Dan Marino isn't playing games.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) At the time of his retirement, Dan Marino sat atop a towering mountain of NFL quarterbacking records. Over the years, those records have been topped at the hands of such stalwarts as Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and most recently, Drew Brees.

The New Orleans Saints pass thrower in particular has been a thorn in Marino’s side.

“Look folks, I know records are meant to be broken and all, but that little fucker is starting to piss me off.” Marino barked on the 12th tee box at Weston, Florida’s exclusive Rio Rancho Golf Club. “So therefore, I want everyone to know today, I’m officially serving notice.”  (more…)

Jesus Is Jacked! Christ is New York bound with Tim Tebow.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Denver Broncos have dealt Tim Tebow to the New York Jets for a fourth round draft pick. Once Peyton Manning chose Denver, the Tebow watch was on. In a move that surprises few, popular deity Jesus Christ has been thrown into the deal as he apparently never strays far from Tebow.

“I’m still thinking over whether or not I want to sell my chalet in Aspen.” quipped Christ. “I also have some beer distributorships in Denver and Fort Collins which I’m gonna hang on to for a bit, but New York is cool.” (more…)

My I compare thee to a late Fall afternoon, with 30 seconds left on the clock?

INDIANAPOLIS, IN (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As word of Peyton Manning’s slow recovery from neck surgery lead to rumors of his pending retirement, some are beginning to talk about the quarterback’s legacy and meaning to the game. Whether or not he’ll play another down, one thing is abundantly clear: Peyton Manning’s 45 fourth quarter game winning drives is the stuff of legend.  The Unitases, the Montanas, the Ellways…all were legendary for maintaining cool heads in nervous huddles, leading lesser men to improbable victory.  Peyton Manning has joined the pantheon of all-time clutch performers,  as he is clearly made of similar stuff…but with a previously unknown wrinkle: poetry, specifically canonical English and American poetry, from Shakespeare to Keats, T.S. Elliot to Wallace Stevens. (more…)

Mansion With a View. Peyton Manning contemplating women's feelings after watching "The View."

INDIANAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Indy’s franchise man is still hurting; Maybe in ways no one could fathom. Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, out for the season, has resulted in a less than stellar 0-8 record. Manning feels his team’s pain, but  is suffering a lot himself. Sure, there’s coming back from a neck injury, but there’s also the boredom and lack of activity.

“The whole thing’s really sucked.” said the four time MVP winner. “That is, until I discovered The View.”

Since his injury, Manning hasn’t missed an episode of the estrogen laden talk show. (more…)

My I compare thee to a late Fall afternoon, with 30 seconds left on the clock?

INDIANAPOLIS, IN (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As concerns about Peyton Manning’s neck increase,  talk has centered on the quarterback’s legacy and meaning to the game. Whether or not he’ll miss the Colts’ season opener, or, as some speculate, the entire season, remains to be determined. But one thing is clear: Peyton Manning’s 45 fourth quarter game winning drives is the stuff of legend.  The Unitases, the Montanas, the Ellways…all were legendary for maintaining cool heads in nervous huddles, leading lesser men to improbable victory.  Peyton Manning has joined the pantheon of all-time clutch performers,  as he is clearly made of similar stuff…but with a previously unknown wrinkle: poetry, specifically canonical English and American poetry, from Shakespeare to Keats, T.S. Elliot to Wallace Stevens.

“In his third season, we were down by six to the Chargers with just over two minutes remaining,” said Colts’ offensive tackle Ryan Diem. “We take the field and ten seconds pass, which at that point in the game is an eternity. Peyton is on one knee, thinking, we hear him mumbling, slowly, he rises to his feet, he takes off his helmut and strikes a pose, his chin jutting, his eyes gazing skyward…’We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother.’ So on and so forth. We were standing there, tears in our ears. Next thing we know we’re putting it in the end zone, kick the extra point, game over.” (more…)

Manning Up. Sibling rivalry dates back to the heyday of the Smothers Brothers - and most likely before.

INDIANAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After suffering a 38-14 thumping at the hands of his older, more successful brother, Eli Manning went on a nearly forty five minute tirade about growing up in the Manning family.

“When I was a kid it was always ‘Peyton won the Pass, Punt and Kick,’” Eli seethed as an overflowing media contingent jockeyed for position. “‘Peyton won the Most Outstanding Players award,’ ‘Peyton is dating Trudy Hollister, the hottest cheerleader and best friggin’ blow job in Louisiana,’ ‘Peyton this, Peyton that. Peyton Peyton Peyton. Peyton! Peyton! Motherfucking Peyton!’” (more…)

Former Jets quarterback Joe Namath, pictured in a fur coat on sideline circa 1970.

INDIANAPOLIS, IN (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) —  The controversial decision to sit quarterback Peyton Manning rather than risk injury heading into the playoffs was momentarily deflected by the bizarre pronouncements and actions of another quarterback legend, Broadway Joe Namath.  Moments after the Jets beat the Colts 29-15, Namath staggered into the Jets victorious locker room and startled the assembled press corps by loudly guaranteeing a Jets victory — the very game that had ended just five minutes before.   (more…)