Posts Tagged ‘PGA’

Sergio Garcia to Insult Dozens of International Golfers by Serving Them Cultural Cuisine

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013
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How’s Yer Foot Taste? Sergio Garcia plans to make amends.

LONDON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his insensitive remark about serving fried chicken to Tiger Woods, fellow PGA pro, Sergio Garcia not only apologized to the world’s number one golfer, but wanted to show good faith.

“I’m really sorry if I offended Tiger.” Garcia said. “And to show I mean business, I plan on equally offending other golfers. I’m kicking things off by making Surströmming for Henrik Stenson, Boxty for Rory McIlroy and Bangers and Mash for Justin Rose.”

Stenson was not amused.  (more…)


Tiger Woods Reflects on What Could Have Been; “I Would Have Hit it All Night”

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Tiger Tail? Not this time apparently.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Mulling his third-place finish the day after this year’s Masters, Tiger Woods had every reason to be pleased.  For the greatest golfer of his era, however, losing in any form is not enough, and something was missing: his “ladies.”

“I started the day seven strokes back, but from the very beginning I had that crowd cheering like a full on bachelor party getting lapdances,” Woods said.  “I was hitting it great: long, short, fade, draw, everything.  I’m ripped, I was seriously flexing out there.  If my damned putter hadn’t let me down, I know I would have won.  Instead here I am making excuses to you jerk-offs.” (more…)


Dustin Johnson Removes Iron From Anal Canal After Royal Shafting

Monday, August 16th, 2010

Hazardous Move. Dustin Johnson holding the iron he removed from his anus.

SHEBOYGAN, WI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In what was one of the strangest penalties in the annals of professional golf, Dustin Johnson “grounded” himself right out of a possible PGA Championship on Sunday afternoon.  The tournament was eventually won in a two way playoff with Germany’s Martin Kaymer defeating Bubba Watson.

Johnson grounded his iron in the sand of a bunker before hitting a shot – a clear penalty. However, Johnson, his caddy, and apparently thousands of members of the gallery, had no idea he was standing in a bunker. Not even the TV announcers knew at the time he was standing in a bunker.  The course rules at Whistling Straights reference bunkers positioned outside the ropes and other irregularities. Translation: bunkers that don’t look like bunkers. (more…)


Tiger Woods Loses to LIttle Billy Jensen at Windmill Hole

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Run of the Mill. Tiger fell apart at the infamous windmill.

AKRON, OH (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Reeling off a wretched showing at Firestone Country Club where he finished 18 over par including a 77 on Sunday, Tiger Woods was hoping to lift his spirits with a game of miniature golf at the nearby Silly Shotz Miniature Golf Course.

His opponent was nine year old Billy Jensen of Cuyahoga Falls. (more…)


Tiger Apologizes in Heartfelt Statement; Names Foxy LaRue Finest Piece of Tail

Friday, February 19th, 2010

She's Grrrreat!! Tiger discusses the exploits of his finest side action.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The world’s number one golfer, Tiger Woods apologized to the world on Friday morning in a heartfelt statement before a specially invited group of family and friends as well as select members of the media.  Woods said he is “deeply sorry.” He added, “I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated. What I did was not acceptable.”

After the nearly fourteen minute statement Woods did speak briefly with three members of the media including TSD’s Gregory Jansen and did confirm that of all his affairs, stripper Foxy LaRue was “undoubtedly the finest piece of tail I ever had.” (more…)


Supporting Tiger: Arnold Palmer Slams Rascal into IHOP During Early Bird Special

Friday, December 11th, 2009

What a Rascal. Arnie slammed his Rascal adult scooter intentionally in support of Tiger Woods.

What a Rascal. Arnie slammed his Rascal adult scooter intentionally in support of Tiger Woods.

ORLANDO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Golfing legend Arnold Palmer has recently found himself defending fellow golfer and friend Tiger Woods after Woods’ single car crash opened the flood gates and subsequent media storm on the world’s top golfer’s personal life. Yesterday, he ratcheted up that defense.

“It’s unfortunate,” said Palmer. “Personally, I don’t think there’s much of a story here. But in an effort to divert some of the attention away from Tiger, I have actively taken things into my own hands.” (more…)


Ghost of Ted Knight Won’t Stop Haunting South Florida Golf Courses

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Nice hat. Ted Knight died in 1986, but apparently no one’s had the heart to tell him.

Nice hat. Ted Knight died in 1986, but apparently no one’s had the heart to tell him.

Caddyshack Star Terrorizes Golfers with Harrowing Cry of “Well, we’re waiting!”

DAVIE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)Grande Oaks Golf Club, formerly Rolling Hills Golf Club, where the motion picture Caddyshackwas shot in the fall of 1979, is one of many South Florida golf courses where reports of disturbing encounters with the long dead character actor, Ted Knight continue to surface.

But lately the paranormal events have become more frequent and unsettling. (more…)


Watson One Thrust Away From Bringing Wife to First Orgasm in Decades, Fails in Final Seconds

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

 

One Good Stroke. Tom Watson needed just one good stroke twice in one day.

One Good Stroke. Tom Watson needed just one good stroke twice in one day.

 

 

TURNBERRY, SCOTLAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of his epic ride to golf history in the 2009 British Open, Tom Watson felt the sting of failure for a second time. 

After missing a par putt in regulation to win the trophy at age 59, and opening the door for a four hole playoff against eventual winner Stewart Cink, Watson still felt he could at the very least, turn his luck around in the bedroom. (more…)


Kenny Perry in Full Blown Denial; Continues to Play Sudden Death After Masters Ends

Monday, April 13th, 2009
KP Duty. Security officials arent sure how to handle Kenny Perry.

KP Duty. Security officials aren't sure how to handle Kenny Perry.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) At age 48, Kenny Perry was set to be the

oldest Masters champion ever. It was teed up for him – literally. But Perry succumbed to the pressure, unable to play his game on the seventeenth and eighteenth holes. He quickly found himself in the middle of a three man playoff with Chad Campbell and Angel Cabrera.

(more…)


Guy Who Yells “Get in the Hole” Too Many Times at Masters is placed in Large Hole

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

I'm in the Hole! Larry Barker is living by his words. In a manner of speaking.

I'm in the Hole! Larry Barker is living by his words. In a manner of speaking.

AUGUSTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s springtime in Georgia.  That means the Masters.  And the first leg of the grand slam of golf got off to a typical start on Thursday – unfamiliar names on the leader board – and simply gorgeous conditions at one of the world’s most beautiful locations for golf. What was untypical was what happened to Larry Barker.

Barker, perhaps the most annoying fan the sport has known, was again unable to control is bombastic “get in the hole” chants, especially with Tiger Woods hitting off the tee.

(more…)