Posts Tagged ‘Phil Jackson’

Phil Jackson Watches Reruns of Old Championships; Then Game Pass Him By

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

Zen and Where? Phil Jackson may not know where he is.

DALLAS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson, arguably the greatest coach in professional basketball history, and winner of eleven NBA titles, was embarrassingly reduced to mortal being on Sunday as the Dallas Mavericks completed a sweep of his Los Angeles Lakers, crushing the two-time defending champs, 122-86.

Before the game, Jackson and several of his players enjoyed viewing video highlights of his eleven titles in the hopes that it would ignite a Lakers comeback.

“That awkward smile you saw on my face beginning late in the third quarter was me watching the game pass me by,” said the man know as the Zen Master. “It tapped me on the shoulder after Game 3, and then just presented me with a good old fashioned ‘sayonara‘ on Sunday. It could have at least given me a gold watch or the keys to 2011 Hyundai Sonata or something, but nothing.” (more…)


Kobe Gorges Himself in Post Win Celebration

Friday, June 18th, 2010

Kobe Beefed Up. Bryant moments after winning it all.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kobe Bryant captured the fifth championship ring of his illustrious career on Thursday night as the Los Angeles Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics 83-79.

With tears streaming from his eyes, Lakers teammate Pau Gasol announced to teammates his family, visiting from Spain, prepared a sumptuous Spanish buffet for the entire team. (more…)


Lakers Hide From Kobe After Game 2 Loss on Home Court

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

If you thought his team mates steered clear of Kobe on the floor, they were no where to be seen as he stormed into the locker room looking to pin blame for their Game 2 loss.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – When it was over, there wasn’t a Laker to be found…anywhere. Only fifteen seconds after the Lakers lost Game 2 to the Boston Celtics, the home team’s locker room was mysteriously empty and if not for the solitary figure of Kobe Bryant calling out his “punkass” team mates and heaving every object not nailed down (including a Japanese reporter), eerily quiet.

“I hate you! I hate you!” fumed Bryant. “I hate you, hate you, hate you!”

Onlookers unfamiliar with Kobe’s juvenile tantrums were as stunned as Staples Center fans who had just witnessed the Lakers lose the second game in the Finals against the (marginally) underdog Celtics.   Kobe was uncharacteristically ineffectual, his frustration mounting as the game progressed. (more…)


Phil Jackson Prepares to Coach 2009-2010 Season from Home Office

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

Phil Jackson trades the sideline for the shoreline as he sports new look for upcoming 2009-2010 season.

Phil Jackson trades the sideline for the shoreline as he sports new look for upcoming 2009-2010 season.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson is getting set to join the legions of working men and women across the country who get up every morning, slip into their bathrobe and slippers, throw some cold water on their face, brew a pot of coffee and take the brief commute to their home office. Citing health concerns, Jackson plans to let assistant coach Kurt Rambis man the sidelines for road games , while Jackson oversees the action from either his home office or via a wi-fi connection at his neighborhood StarBucks. (more…)


Phil Jackson Prepares to Coach 2009-2010 Season from Home Office

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson is getting set to join the legions of working men and women across the country who get up every morning, slip into their bathrobe and slippers, throw some cold water on their face, brew a pot of coffee and take the brief commute to their home office. Citing health concerns, Jackson plans to let assistant coach Kurt Rambis man the sidelines for road games , while Jackson oversees the action from either his home office or via a wi-fi connection at his neighborhood StarBucks.
“The technology’s there, we’ve got a veteran ball club, I think it can work,” said Jackson, via his newly installed webcam. “We had a couple of IT guys in to lay down the network and hook me up with a super-fast connection. I’ll get video streams from the sidelines and I’ve got a guy coming in tomorrow to show me how to diagram plays remotely using this cool new whiteboard technology. The guys don’t need me to be there to hold their hands – and frankly there are stretches during games when there are about a million more productive things I can be doing with my time. Now, instead of sitting there like an idiot, I can hit the proverbial pause button, walk to the refrig, catch up on some reading, or just stare off into space.  By the time the fourth quarter rolls around I’m fresh, alert and engaged. Wish I thought of this sooner.”
Kevin Jackson, a 35 year old network engineer and rabid Lakers’ fan, thinks Jackson’s use of technology can actually improve communications with his team and produce even better results.
“Definitely. After a while players tune you out, even if you are Phil Jackson. You need to find new ways to communicate. And each guy responds differently. After a while Phil will find out which guys like to text, which guys prefer to get their daily motivational koan via email, or which guys need to reamed out via a video chat session.  Once he gets the hang of the technology he’ll be great. Hell, hook him up with an iPhone, plunk him down in a Starbucks and we’re looking at a 70 win season and an 11th ring. Take it to the bank.”
Several veteran coaches found the idea of Jackson’s work-at-home plans intriguing. Pat Riley, who notoriously used fax technology to submit his resignation from the Knicks, considered it “worth looking into.”  New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, a legendary technophile, could barely restrain his jealousy.
“You mean he gets to sit at home and have no human interaction with his players? And I can get surveillance streams directly to my desktop?  Really? Where do I sign?”

Phil Jackson trades the sideline for the shoreline as he sports new look for upcoming 2009-2010 season.

Phil Jackson trades the sideline for the shoreline as he sports new look for upcoming 2009-2010 season.

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson is getting set to join the legions of working men and women across the country who get up every morning, slip into their bathrobe and slippers, throw some cold water on their face, brew a pot of coffee and take the brief commute to their home office. Citing health concerns, Jackson plans to let assistant coach Kurt Rambis man the sidelines for road games , while Jackson oversees the action from either his home office or via a wi-fi connection at his neighborhood StarBucks. (more…)