Posts Tagged ‘Phillies’

Phillies Confident They’ll Make Pre-Season in 2016

Monday, October 5th, 2015
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Look Who’s Jacked! The Phillies really think they can make the Pre-season in ’16.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Phillies have endured one of the worst years in their history. Though they avoided a 100-loss season, finishing at 63-99, the team had some of their poorest stretches and offensive droughts in decades. Their lack of power was stunning. However, a few bright spots did shine through, giving them a modicum of hope for the future. Now, the team is feeling confident they’ll be asked to come to Spring Training in Clearwater, Florida next February. (more…)


Phillies Set to Freak Out Nats and Their Fans With Machete Giveaway

Friday, April 10th, 2015

Pretty Machete Attitude. Anthony Genovese of Havertown, PA at one of last season’s machete giveaways.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Gearing up for the first game of an early season weekend series might seem ho hum. Unless that is, if you’re in Philadelphia where you can expect boundless energy; Perhaps more than the Washington Nationals and a few visiting fans making the trek up I-95 to the City of Brotherly Love are accustomed to.  The Nats and their relatively laid back, casual fans, were told to prepare for the onslaught of the classic Philadelphia sports fan – the crazed, passionate fanatics who in the past have been able to rattle pitchers off the mound with booing and yelling.

Apparently the Phillies and their fans have something extra special in store for the team from nation’s capital. (more…)


Phillies Sign Fans to Three Year Deal; Proposed Swap for Reds Faithful Nixed

Wednesday, March 4th, 2015

 

I Ain’t Movin’. Philly resident Tony Zapski, an on-again, off-again Phillies fan, is relieved to be staying put.

PHILADELPHIA – (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Ending weeks of speculation to the contrary, the Philadelphia Phillies today announced that they would keep their fans despite pressure from certain players to trade them to another city because they boo too much. Struck on the fourth day of negotiations, the deal will keep the Phillies fans in Philadelphia for three years guaranteed with a one year option.  GM Ruben Amaro Jr. said there were very serious talks with the city of Cincinnati and the Reds organization to switch fans, but in the end the logistics of the planned swap proved insurmountable. (more…)


TSD Look Back: Press Conference Turns Awkward as Philllies GM Amaro Texts Lee’s Wife Recommendations of Movies She Should See

Monday, July 28th, 2014

I’m French Texting Your Wife. Ruben Amaro is all smiles as Lee babbles on.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Phillies love affair with pitcher Cliff Lee got a bit uncomfortable yesterday afternoon before a throng of Philadelphia media while Lee was answering questions. Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro began texting Lee’s wife Kristen a list of movies, including foreign films, he feels would broaden her horizons.

“At first I thought it was kind of sweet,” said Kristen Lee. “But then it got a little creepy when I’m suddenly inundated with a list of classic films from the French New Wave period. He went on and on and on about La Grande Vadrouille and how unappreciated Yves Montand was in America and how I reminded him of Bridget Bardot and how we could perhaps steal away to a bistro on a rainy Sunday afternoon for croissants with marmalade and sparkling water. Had I known he was gonna be such a Francophile, we might have stayed in Texas. No offense to the French or anything, but I prefer a good burger or wings while watching anything by Judd Apatow.” (more…)


Phillies First Team to Test Positive for Performance Reducing Drugs

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

Please Say You’re Lyin’ Ryan. But he admits to using “The Cloudy.”

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Phillies who’ve struggled the past two seasons after enjoying five straight post season appearances, have undoubtedly become a shadow of their former selves again in 2014.

Initially off to a hot start with many players among the league leaders in several offensive categories, the team has suddenly spiraled into a miasma of indifference and shoddy play fueled by an anemic, almost impotent run scoring capacity.

The reason for the rapid downward spiral was revealed yesterday when team officials had no choice but to suspend several players after they tested positive for performance reducing drugs. (more…)


Phillies Announce They’ll Commemorate 50 Year Anniversary of ’64 Collapse With Really Shitty 2014 Season

Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
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Scalper’s Nightmare. A ticket to the game that never was. Phils to honor their past.

CLEARWATER, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Phillies, coming off consecutive years of missing the playoffs, say they’ve got something quite special planned for the upcoming 2014 season. The team will mark the 50th anniversary of the historic 1964 collapse when the team folded terribly, blowing a six and half game lead with 12 left to play. Ownership announced they’ll celebrate the event with a “really shitty 2014 season.” (more…)


Benches Empty As Braves and Phillies Show Disgust With Unknowledgeable Fans

Friday, September 27th, 2013
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McCann They Take It? Bryan McCann and his teammates and their opponents go off on fans.

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) On the heels of their benches clearing brawl with the Milwaukee Brewers, the Atlanta Braves once again stormed the field in their game against the Philadelphia Phillies.  However, this time it was to join their opponents in a free for all name calling fest against the apathetic crowd in the stands.

The crowd munched on nachos and hot dogs, whilst quaffing down copious amounts of beer, as veterans and rookies from both clubs lambasted them for their heart and intellect.

The Braves and Phillies high-fived each other as they hurled insults ranging from the traditional expletive-laced variety to haughty, obscure reference-based abuse.

(more…)


All Hands on Deck; Cardinals Call Up Frankenstein’s Monster

Thursday, October 6th, 2011

Being Frank. Cardinals like his skills.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It all comes down to Game 5 in the NLDS.  The team with the most wins this season, the Philadelphia Phillies and the scrappy, never say die Cardinals will match up in an elimination game in the City of Brotherly Love.

Cards’ skipper, Tony La Russa, has moved hurler Octavio Dotel off the roster and replaced him with Frankenstein’s Monster.

“This gives us some options.” said La Russa. “He’s a switch hitter. He can get hot, but not “on fire” hot, as he detests fire. He’s not a speed merchant, but is not adverse to tearing the limbs off a second baseman to break up a double play. Plus, if I decide to pitch him for a hitter or two, you’re looking at Randy Johnson type height on the bump. That’s an intimidating presence out there. Granted, Randy was uglier.” (more…)


Francona Kisses Heads of Players to Make It All Feel Better; Papelbon Rides Bike Back to Boston

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Stare Tactics. Jonathan Papelbon's glaring glance to home plate didn't intimidate the Orioles.

BALTIMORE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Another epic collapse in baseball. The Phillies of 1964. The Mets of 2007. And now the Boston Red Sox of 2011. The team many predicted to win it all this season, had the Wild Card all but sewn up earlier this month, but a charging Tampa Bay Rays team had other ideas. Coupled with Boston’s freefall, the season culminated at 12:05 AM on Thursday, as Evan Longoria’s left field laser beam ended it all.

“I’d kick myself,” said Red Sox outfielder, Carl Crawford. “But I think I’d miss.” (more…)


Representative Anthony Weiner to Join Phillie Phanatic in Hot Dog Launch

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

Philly Phallic. Weiner will launch a slew of dick shaped dogs into the crowd.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Someone in the Phillies PR department gets it – though the joke is certainly the elephant in the room. U.S. Representative for New York’s 9th District, Anthony Weiner, who is embroiled in controversy for Twittering® explicit photos of his genitalia to women, will be standing side by side tomorrow evening with the Phillie Phanatic in a promotional hot dog launch at Citizen’s Bank Park.

“When they called me, my initial reaction was rage,” said Weiner. “But after thinking about it, it might just be the thing to take some of the heat off the situation. We have to laugh at ourselves. Personally, I laugh every time I look at my johnson in the mirror.” (more…)


Philly Used to Bring Their “A” Game

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

My Dad's Hero. Philly A's catcher Mickey Cochrane

PHILADELPHIA (Special to TSD) Its late January. This is the “death time” for me in sports. The Super Bowl will feature two teams I could care less about – and post season hockey is still months away. Oh, and we’re about five weeks from the first pitch of spring training.

Dammit, I’m really dying for baseball.

This longing has me recalling the great stories my dad would share about being a baseball fan in Philadelphia. But I wasn’t regaled with tales of the Whiz Kids with names like Whitey, Granny, and Puddin’ Head. No, I’d have to ask to hear those stories. Dad instead chose to tell me about his boyhood idols like Lefty, Double X, Bucketfoot Al, Mule, and the (original) Mick. Members of his beloved Philadelphia Athletics or A’s.

Lefty was Robert “Lefty” Grove, the ace of the staff and perennial strikeout champ of his era. First baseman Jimmie Foxx or Double X was often called the right-handed Babe Ruth. Bucketfoot Al was outfielder Al Simmons, a terrifying hitter with a lifetime .334 batting average and 1,827 runs batted in. And catcher Mickey Cochrane, or the Mick AKA Black Mike, was my dad’s hero and favorite player. Hall of Famers all.   Surrounded by supporting players like Mule Haas, Bing Miller, Jimmy Dykes, George Earnshaw, and Rube Walberg, the A’s of this period were a dynasty. (more…)


Phillies to Play Entire Game Five With Backs Against Wall; Expect Discomfort

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

Wall Order. Shane Victorino practices the wall technique earlier this season in Chicago.

SAN FRANCISCO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s Game 5 and the San Francisco Giants lead the NLCS three games to one. For Philadelphia, desperate times call for desperate measures. The starting nine for the Phillies will line up against the outfield wall and stay there in an odd and frenzied attempt to stave of elimination.

“Its a ‘backs against the wall’ technique I once heard about in a game from 1877,” said Phillies Manager Charlie Manuel, whose inexplicable decision to throw Joe Blanton in Game Four instead of Roy Halladay has Phillies fans scratching their collective aching head. “If you’re not familiar with that great moment in baseball history, that’s when the Hartford Dark Blues defeated the St. Louis Brown Stockings by quickly forming human pyramids to prevent home run balls to go over the wall after the pitcher would throw an arching three hundred and twenty-five foot strike from the left field corner. So, I thought we’d try that. See what happens.” (more…)