Posts Tagged ‘Roger Goodell’

A TSD Classique: Roger Goodell Takes Part in Helmet to Helmet Hit Experiment; Results Conclusive

Monday, October 17th, 2016
MIAMI GARDENS, FL - FEBRUARY 07:  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stands on the field prior to Super Bowl XLIV between the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints on February 7, 2010 at Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida.  (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

Roger and Who? NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s helmet to helmet hit experiment was successful. Here he’s shown contemplating who he is.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s crackdown on dangerous helmet to helmet hits, has gone a step further. After another incident occurred in last night’s Philadelphia Eagles 27-17 victory over the New York Giants, Goodell decided to don a helmet himself in order to demonstrate the seriousness of such contact.

Goodell placed the helmet over his head and was met full force head to head by former NFL linebacker, Derrick Brooks, who gladly obliged.

A prayer circle was formed around Goodell who regained consciousness two hours later. He addressed the media shortly thereafter. (more…)


“Rosie” Latest Victim of the Saint’s Bounty Scandal

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

Everything's Coming Up Rosie! The beloved but deceased TV icon's in hot water.

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – It doesn’t matter that Rosie the Waitress has been gone since 1990. In the latest twist to an already sad and embarrassing situation, Roger Goodell on Friday declared that Rosie was responsible for the popularity of the term “Bounty” that has been allegedly used by various players and coaches with the New Orleans Saints.

According to the indictment, “Rosie the Waitress, a mainstay on American television for several decades is as much responsible for the bounty scandal as anyone else. Since Rosie is no longer with us, she will be posthumously tried in absentia.” (more…)


New Superbowl Format: All Music

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Too many fallen pop idols on the field! The NFL says musical acts will be subjected to the same rigorous refereeing as the players.

Twenty Minute Game to be Played at Halftime

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — The NFL knows where its Super Bowl bread is buttered – the halftime show. For more than a decade, the burning question has been, ‘who’s the halftime entertainment going be?’

“The marketing arm of the NFL has decided to capitalize on the realization that in-game entertainment is much more interesting and lucrative than the actual game itself,” said commissioner Roger Goodell. “Who am I to argue?” (more…)


Inspired by “Entourage” LA Football Fans Abduct Jack Nicholson, Demand NFL Franchise Within Five Years

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

Heeere's Jack! Though an LA-based NFL team is nowhere on the horizon. Captors release photo of Jack Nicholson re-enacting scene from "The Shining.

LOS ANGELES, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — A plot line in “Entourage,” the popular HBO series, involves super-agent Ari Gold attempting to bring an NFL team to Los Angeles — a town that has been without an NFL franchise since the Raiders moved back to Oakland and the Rams went to St. Louis in 1995. While the Rams played in (and around) LA for close to fifty years (they actually played in Anaheim from 1979-1994), their abrupt departure for St. Louis caused barely a ripple, underscoring what many have long believed: LA’s passive-aggressive culture (“thank you for your time, but we’re going to go ahead and take a pass”) does not lend itself to professional football.

Authorities estimate that five to eight die-hard fans of the show watched Sunday’s episode and decided to force the issue by abducting actor and number one Lakers fan Jack Nicholson, demanding that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and “the powers that be,” institute an LA-based franchise within five years. (more…)


Brady Quinn Falls to 22nd Pick; Angry QB Blasts Critics with Passive Aggressive Sarcasm

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

A Draft Day Flashback from TSD  Classique.

Notre Dame Quarterback Brady Quinn was not smiling during or after his embarrassing tumble in the NFL draft. Quinn's understated sarcasm prompted hostility from the assembled press corps. While many will tolerate passive-aggressive behavior from their wives, they were not about to tolerate it from a soon-to-be fabulously wealthy NFL quarterback who, until that point, never had a bad day in his young life.

NEW YORK, NY (The Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – The longest first round in NFL draft history lasted 6 hours and 8 minutes. To Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn, a projected top ten pick who tumbled to number 22, it felt like an eternity. Several hours after the draft, a bitterly disappointed Quinn continued to lash out at the “twenty NFL teams that obviously think I suck.”

As the first day of the draft inched forward, it became painfully clear that Quinn, celebrated for his on-field exploits and matinee idol looks, was in for a long and highly humiliating day. The Notre Dame star appeared disappointed but not devastated when the Browns, his favorite team growing up, used the third pick to select someone not named Brady Quinn. He was confident he’d hear his name called within the next six picks. But when the Dolphins confounded the experts by using the ninth pick to select someone other than the Fighting Irish quarterback, Quinn could barely conceal his shock – which soon turned to horror as he realized that none of the next several teams – Houston, SF, Buffalo and St. Louis – needed a quarterback. (more…)