When In Doubt, Hunt. The massive search is still on for Lamar Landmesser.

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The nail biting 4th quarter of Super Bowl XLVII may have resulted in a 34-31 Baltimore Ravens victory in the first brother vs. brother championship, but that scenario took a back seat to the drama which continues to unfold in the Louisiana swamps.

Under the direction of infuriated NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, the league has sprung into action with a massive manhunt. They’re sparing no expense to hunt down and if necessary shoot and kill Lamar Landmesser, the chief electrician at the Superdome.  (more…)

You Dip, I Dip, We Dip. The brothers will be "manning" the dip.

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The theme is brothers. The Harbaugh brothers will go head to head in 49ers-Ravens Super Bowl, but the Manning brothers plan to serve notice as well. Quarterback sibling rivals, Peyton and Eli, will enjoy a get together with a select group of teammates, friends, and family members for Sunday’s big game. Late in the 4th quarter, both Peyton and Eli say whether the game is a nail biter or blowout — whether there’s a palpable malaise or edge of seat frenzy — they plan on springing into action.

“We’re gonna fire up a brimming bowl of piping hot cheese dip and fresh corn chips to ignite the viewers into a demented disorder of dipping delight.” Peyton Manning said.

“Trust me when I tell ya, it’s gonna be some serious motherfuckin‘ cheese dip!” chimed wide receiver Demaryius Thomas, a Bronco teammate of Peyton Manning’s. “P has got it goin‘ on with that glorious melted pastiche of Wisconsin cheddar, Époisses de Bourgogne, and Caprino della Valbrevenna with a hint of Bolivian chilies.” (more…)

SUPE-HarbaughWL. The big game featuring Jim (left) and John Harbaugh is a painful reminder to some family members.

NEW ORLEANS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s two Harbaughs for the price of one. Super Bowl XLVII will feature two brothers coaching head to head for the first time in the NFL Championship’s long history when the Baltimore Ravens take on the San Francisco 49ers on February 3, 2013 at the Superdome.

Apparently Jim and John Harbaugh have a reputation of being no-nonsense tough guys and not the warm and fuzziest people on earth.  (more…)

A Carrolling We Will Go. Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll trying to make sense of it all.

ATLANTA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Nearly snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, the Seattle Seahawks almost walked out of Atlanta on Sunday with a 28-27 victory.  However, Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll tried to ice the kicker, a move which backfired, resulting in a last second successful field goal and a 30-28 Falcons victory propelling them to the NFC Championship Game against the San Francisco 49ers.

Now Carroll said he was confused in all the excitement because he was “getting some cool shit” on his headset – something he told the referee.

“Suddenly, I wasn’t hearing my coaches anymore.” said Carroll. “I was getting some Grateful Dead, and I think some Blind Faith, and bootleg Hendrix. I was just whisked away to another time and place, and football didn’t mean much anymore.” (more…)

Cryin' Ryan. Jets coach gets out of hand.

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) A visibly lighter and more motivated Rex Ryan said at the outset of this season that he was confident in his New York Jets this year. But the veteran coach was seething after Sunday’s devastating 34-0 shutout at the hands of the San Francisco 49ers. “It’s obviously unacceptable. It starts with the coaches.” he said. “The players – they’ve got to dig deep, look down at themselves.”

Ryan then added, “I didn’t mean wave an Echo® CS341 chainsaw recklessly around the sidelines midway through the fourth quarter, but I just felt I owed it to the guys. Sadly, in the name of making a point, a few limbs were lost. They’ll just have to man up and walk that shit off.”  (more…)