Posts Tagged ‘Spurs’

From the Archives: Diners Fail to Aid NBA’s Most Flagrant Flopper During Life-Threatening Choking Fit

Monday, November 10th, 2014

Argentine soap opera star turned basketball player Manu Ginobli demonstrates the well-honed theatrical chops that almost lead to his death yesterday. 

LOS ANGELES, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) —  Manu Ginobli, the NBA’s most frequent and arguably most accomplished  flopper,  came perilously close to losing his life at a popular bistro yesterday afternoon.  In town for the second game of the Spurs-Clippers conference semi-final,  Ginobli was eating a tuna melt when something lodged in his throat, causing a violent coughing fit. According to eye witnesses, annoyed diners rolled their eyes even as Ginobli thrashed violently about and crashed into a neighboring table, dramatically collapsing to the floor, wide-eyed and aghast, as though catching a phantom elbow to the back of the head.

“We’ve seen it too many times before, no one was buying,” said Mitchell Reiner, an actor between roles. “Plus, you’ve got to understand, here in LA a flop is a movie that tanks. An over-emoting basketball player known for reacting to a stiff breeze like he was shot from a cannon isn’t going to get anyone’s attention.” (more…)

Spurs’ Duncan Admits to Being Intoxicated By the “Melodious Whiff” of Kevin Durant’s Mystery Cologne

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

Waft Pick. Tim Duncan caught a whiff and it was over.

OKLAHOMA CITY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Despite his team leading the best of seven series 2-0, future hall of famer Tim Duncan and his San Antonio Spurs aren’t taking The Oklahoma City Thunder lightly. Duncan admits OKC superstar Kevin Durant’s skills are more than formidable, but it’s his cologne that worries him most.

“Much like being downwind of a rack of St. Louis baby backs on a smoker on a warm and pleasant summer evening, the irresistible waft of Kevin’s cologne was all up in my nostrils the entire night.” said Duncan. “I’m not sure what my man is wearing, but damn, that is some sweet, sweet, smelling shit.”  (more…)