Hitting Streak. St. Louis Streaker moments before a beat down.

ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Collin J. Grundstrom, a 22 year old landscaper from Jefferson City, Missouri thrilled fans at Busch Stadium on Thursday night in game between the host Cardinals and visiting Philadelphia Phillies.

In the top of the seventh inning, Grundstrom, who claims he lost a bet, dashed onto the field sans clothing and ran around the outfield. That’s when security chief, Joe Walsh, accompanied by his team of guards, corralled the bald headed prankster and inserted a taser in his anus.

“It definitely got his attention.” said Walsh. “It often does.”  (more…)

Not Even Close. New York's 42nd Street can't compete with La Russa's collection.

ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s been quite a year for Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals. After coming from nowhere and on the brink of elimination countless times, the Redbirds ultimately won the World Series last month. Now, Pujols, the gold standard of free agents this off season, is trying to figure out where he’ll spend 2012 and beyond.

His decision may have just become a little clearer.

Recently retired Cardinals manager, Tony La Russa’s legendary stash of porn now belongs to the slugging first baseman. (more…)

Load of Zappa. He never really left us. Just ask Mike Maddux.

ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Texas Rangers tied the World Series one game a piece after their hurler Colby Lewis twirled a gem against the St. Louis Cardinals, allowing just one run over 6.2 innings. However, Lewis claims his success is largely due to what he calls a “profound inner uneasiness” whenever he’s forced to consult with pitching coach, Mike Maddux, the spitting image of long deceased iconic musician, Frank Zappa.

“He is Zappa man, he is fucking Frank Zappa!” a shaken Lewis said after the game. “Mike Maddux is an illusion, a figment, a specter, a mere doppelganger. Zappa lives dude!” (more…)

La Russa Invented Baseball. Just ask him.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) When Tony La Russa invented baseball in 1979, the sports world was a dark and desolate place. Before his arrival, a game which on the surface appeared like baseball was being played primarily in concrete donuts known as mutli-purpose stadiums.

But with LaRussa’s arrival, the game we know today was conceived. “Forget everything you know about the mockery of a sham that passed itself off as something I invented called baseball.” the 66 year old skipper snapped. “If I want to bat my pitcher eighth in the lineup, so be it. If I want have my players eat their post game dinner before the game, who’s gonna stop me? If I want to take my starting pitcher out in the second inning, I’m gonna show him up in front of 44,000 screaming fans.” (more…)

Team’s Longtime Dislike for Skipper Finally Spills Over

Disagreement. This little discussion could be La Russa's last - just sayin'.

ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) St. Louis Cardinals skipper Tony La Russa has been managing in the Major Leagues since 1979. He is currently the longest tenured manager in baseball. Among his accomplishments are World Series titles in Oakland as well as with his current team. However, La Russa hasn’t exactly won over all of his players over the years – just ask former Cardinals and current Cincinnati Reds third baseman Scott Rolen and Hall of Fame shortstop, Ozzie Smith.

“Saying he’s a dick is putting it mildly,” said Smith. “He’s a cantankerous, narcissistic, magalomaniacal douche bag. And those are his good points.” (more…)

Fandom of Heaven. Albert Pujols and Yadier Molina before Jesus dropped the bomb.

ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kissing a necklace of a crucifix. Crossing one’s self before stepping into the batter’s box. Bowing one’s head before taking the mound. These rituals have gradually worked their way into baseball over the years. Today they stand side by side with secular superstitions like not stepping on a foul line, wearing a rally cap or not talking about a no-hitter while its in progress.

But perhaps the most visible religious tip of the cap is pointing skyward after crossing home plate – an homage and thank you to Jesus Christ, the high profile deity from Nazareth. (more…)

Outta Here! His common sense that is. Jasper Stokes is apparently the only American stunned by the slugger Mark McGwire's admission to using performance enhancing drugs.

SANTEE, SC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Jasper Stokes of Santee, South Carolina is still processing the news and is recovering from severe shock after his boyhood idol Mark McGwire admitted to using steroids during his baseball career.

“I just didn’t see that one coming. Didn’t see it coming at all,” said the 29 year old fireworks salesman. “Hey, I heard all the whispers. But when you emotionally invest in a player you put them up on a pedestal, I guess denial becomes an old and trusted friend. I just assumed he was eating more and lifting weights. Hell, I’ve eaten more recently and lifted weights and I’ve sold more fireworks this year than in the last three years combined. Am I making any sense?” (more…)