Piss Drunk. Larry Tebow in the third quarter.

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It was all Mark Sanchez as the New York Jets won their first game of the season in a 48-28 shellacking of the Buffalo Bills on Sunday. Tim Tebow saw limited action, however it was another Tebow that’s been getting the headlines.

27 year old Larry Tebow, a stereo salesman from Peoria, Illinois came to support his cousin’s debut as a Jet, but when it became apparent he’d see only a few plays, the elder Tebow started tossing back the beers. (more…)

Jesus Is Jacked! Christ is New York bound with Tim Tebow.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Denver Broncos have dealt Tim Tebow to the New York Jets for a fourth round draft pick. Once Peyton Manning chose Denver, the Tebow watch was on. In a move that surprises few, popular deity Jesus Christ has been thrown into the deal as he apparently never strays far from Tebow.

“I’m still thinking over whether or not I want to sell my chalet in Aspen.” quipped Christ. “I also have some beer distributorships in Denver and Fort Collins which I’m gonna hang on to for a bit, but New York is cool.” (more…)

Cheese-us, Take the Wheel. Tim Tebow moments before unveiling his legendary, game saving cheese dip.

DENVER (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It might be a Giants-Patriots Super Bowl, but the Broncos won’t go away. Quarterback and deity Tim Tebow got together with a select group of teammates and several fellow parishioners from the New City Church in Denver to enjoy the AFC Championship game Sunday afternoon. Late in the 4th quarter, Tebow noticed a palpable malaise among his viewing buddies. That’s when he sprung into action.

Tebow emerged just two minutes and twenty-three seconds later with a brimming bowl of piping hot cheese dip and fresh corn chips to ignite the viewers into a demented disorder of dipping delight. (more…)

Good Natured Ribbing. Tebow just seconds before having rib removed by major deity.

DENVER (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) That torn rib cartilage Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow played with in the AFC Divisional playoff game last Saturday is apparently a lot worse than originally believed. Evidently, God took Tebow’s rib, a stunt He’s pulled at least once, and made a future draft pick consideration.

“I apologize to Bronco’s fans if my timing was a little off.” the supernatural creator of the universe said. “But I have a job to do. In this case it was taking a rib from Mr. Tebow and creating Colin Appleby, who will be a fourth round pick in the 2034 NFL Draft. He’ll be selected by the Norfolk Gulls who will join the league in the 2029 expansion along with the Bismark Hermits.” (more…)

Hail Mary? Not exactly. But Jesus Christ apparently has a long time love for the game of football.

MINNEAPOLIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) According to Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, the eleventh hour heroics which have propelled his team to some improbable wins this season have been commandeered by Christian deity Jesus Christ.

“It’s really Jesus at the wheel, or in the case, under center.” a smiling Tebow said after the Broncos once again staged some late drama to defeat the Minnesota Vikings 35-32. “He’s kind of doing things remotely. Fortunately, we’re both signed up with Verizon®.”

Christ still hopes to attend a Broncos game this year. (more…)