Posts Tagged ‘Tom Brady’

Tom Brady Nukes Buffalo; Exonerated On All Charges

Thursday, September 3rd, 2015

Bombs Away! TB unleashes his aerial circus on Buffalo!

NEW ENGLAND UNDISCLOSED (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Fresh off of having his 4-game suspension nullified, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady celebrated by wiping an AFC rival off the map, literally. Brady obtained some plutonium and fashioned a two-megaton nuclear device in his media room with some teammates. He then flew the bomb to Buffalo and blew it up. (more…)

Bill Belichick to Be Thawed Out Later Today

Tuesday, January 7th, 2014

Just Chillin’. Bill Belichick hopes to come around later today.

FOXBOROUGH, MA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Compared to what the middle of the country is dealing with, the single digits seem downright balmy, but it was still chilly enough to put New Enland Patriots Head Coach, Bill Belichick in a deep freeze.  The veteran coach apparently stayed outside too long during practice and didn’t dress in layers as he was told.

“It’s basic for Christ’s sake. This isn’t the first time this has happened.” fumed team owner Robert Kraft. “You start with thermal underwear, then tee shirts, flannel, then sweatshirts, then a thick coat and finally the windbreaker. What does he do? He goes out there with a hunting jacket you’d wear in late September. What a dick!”  (more…)

Dan Marino Grows Record Size Mole Just to Spite Drew Brees

Monday, November 19th, 2012

Personal Growth. Dan Marino isn't playing games.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) At the time of his retirement, Dan Marino sat atop a towering mountain of NFL quarterbacking records. Over the years, those records have been topped at the hands of such stalwarts as Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and most recently, Drew Brees.

The New Orleans Saints pass thrower in particular has been a thorn in Marino’s side.

“Look folks, I know records are meant to be broken and all, but that little fucker is starting to piss me off.” Marino barked on the 12th tee box at Weston, Florida’s exclusive Rio Rancho Golf Club. “So therefore, I want everyone to know today, I’m officially serving notice.”  (more…)

Patriots’ Generous Move of Spotting Ravens 24 First Quarter Points Backfires

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

Point Spotting.  Tom Brady was jacked up to lead his team back from a 24 point deficit. At least for a while.

Point Spotting. Tom Brady was jacked up to lead his team back from a 24 point deficit. At least for a while.

FOXBOROUGH, MA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New England Patriots’ Head Coach Bill Belichick’s strategy of spotting the Baltimore Ravens 24 first quarter points was apparently the wrong one as the Ravens were able to not only hold on, but win convincingly 33-14. (more…)