Posts Tagged ‘Tony Romo’

Dallas Cowboys to Begin 2014 Quarterback Experimentation with Lab Rat

Monday, December 30th, 2013
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Rat and Happy. This little guy might be getting a big time contract.

DALLAS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After losing the NFC East crown to a division rival for the third straight year, the Dallas Cowboys are going to try something new. With Tony Romo’s history of blowing games and the long return from back surgery, as well as no viable backup at the helm, the team says their next move will be radical.

“The (24-22) loss to the (Philadelphia) Eagles yesterday got me thinking.” said team owner, Jerry Jones. “When Kyle Orton threw that interception at the end of the game, I lost my cool. You may have seen footage of me in the luxury suite actually losing my cool. I said ‘rats!’ Of course, that was right after I said ‘motherfucking, shit eating, bastard, son of a bitch, prick, fuck!’  But the takeaway was indeed ‘rats.’ I immediately took my private elevator down to our underground laboratory, where we experiment with body parts. I walked past the severed limbs and skeletal remains of former employees right to the rat area.” (more…)


Tony Romo Gets “Steaming Pile of Poo” Post Game Award; Shares It With Team

Monday, December 16th, 2013
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Shit Winnin’ Grin. Tony Romo shares the steaming pile with his team.

DALLAS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After witnessing a Philadelphia Eagles thumping at the hands of the Minnesota Vikings early Sunday afternoon, the Dallas Cowboys were poised to move to the front of a weak NFC East.  It appeared they would do just that in the first half when they took a commanding 26-3 lead over the Green Bay Packers into the locker room. However, in a last minute script change Hollywood style, the Pack came roaring back stealing a victory in the final seconds, 37-36.

Immediately after the game, the team handed their “Steaming Pile of Poo” award to quarterback Tony Romo who threw a critical interception, setting up the Green Bay miracle.

“Once again, I’ve skillfully snatched bitter defeat from the clutches of triumph as only I know how.” said the veteran pass thrower holding the fabled cutting board piled high with the vaporous, fetid fecal matter of several unnamed linemen. “But to stand here today and not share this with each and every one of my teammates and coaches, would be unthinkable.”  (more…)