Posts Tagged ‘Utah Jazz’

A TSD Classique: Giant, Mutated John Stockton Emerges from Japanese Forest; Vows Return to NBA

Friday, August 12th, 2016





Heavy D. Mutated John Stockton displays defensive style he plans on bringing back to the NBA.


NEAR MOUNT FUJI, JAPAN (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Known as one of the greatest point guards in NBA history, not much has been heard from former Utah Jazz great John Stockton since his 2003 retirement. That is until yesterday, when the once 6’1’’ player emerged from the dreaded Aokigahara forest at the base of Mount Fuji a stunning seventy feet tall.

“What’s happened to him? Jesus Howard Christ! What in God’s name has happened to him?” said Rick Adams, an American scientist studying fossils in Hokkaido. “Perhaps it’s some kind of Napoleon Complex thing. I know he was short, but talk about overcompensating. And those teeth.” (more…)

NBA Draft Stunner: Utah Jazz Snag Ultraman

Friday, June 27th, 2014

Kid’s Stuff. Ultraman is confident he still has what it takes.

SALT LAKE CITY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) After posting a 25-57 record this past season, the Utah Jazz are certainly in rebuilding mode. After selecting Dante Exum with the 5th pick, they worked a deal to snatch something of an X factor. Former Japanese TV superhero Ultraman was acquired to fill up the middle.

“He’s pretty old now,” said Jazz Head Coach, Quin Snyder. “But I think considering he’s 70 feet tall he might still have a little something left in the tank, and could very well swat a few balls away.”

There are safety concerns.  (more…)