MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals second year sensation Bryce Harper is still feeling his way through the rough and tumble world of Major League Baseball. Yesterday in Miami he missed the team bus to Marlins Park and was late for workouts.
Posts Tagged ‘Washington Nationals’
WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In an unexpected and brief campaign stopover, Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney told a group of undecided voters on Saturday that he would “absolutely repeal” the Washington Nationals baseball team if he wins the election next month.
“There’s enough spending in Washington.” Romney said. “Why throw dollars on heartbreak?”
MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Though all the tumblers have seemed to fall into place so far for the team from the nation’s capital, some odd things have happened during the Washington Nationals’ improbable run of greatness in 2012. Pitcher Edwin Jackson has twice been tormented from behind home plate by long deceased French existentialist philosopher, playwright, and political activist, Jean Paul Sartre.
Jackson is slated to start Monday’s game in Miami to complete a wrap around series with the Marlins.
“I know that dude’s gonna be there again. He’s got those crazy ass eyes and all. Fucks my shit up.” a clearly rattled Jackson told a small group of reporters Sunday. “He locks in on me with that unrelenting gaze, and within the first few pitches, I’m not feeling myself – as if, as if, I’m not of my own body. I can see myself floating in a sea of nothingness with no horizon – just blackness, no beginning, no end. I am neither here nor there, which has gotta be a bitch for the official scorer.”
Members from MLB’s league office are puzzled as to how one of the towering figures in 20th century philosophy, who died on April 15, 1980, can suddenly appear at a Major League game. (more…)
PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Phillies, winners of five straight NL East titles (2007-2011) have gone from first to worst in an inexplicable free fall from grace this season. The first half of the campaign couldn’t have gone any worse for the team. With a record of 37-50 so far, they didn’t lose their 50th game last season until September 12th.
“It’s sorta like when Tylenol® has to recall millions of boxes of product cuz (because) of tampering.” said Phils’ skipper Charlie Manuel. “We need to send the whole team back to the factory. But we’ll keep trying.”
“Trying” is exactly what most Phillies fans claim they don’t want to see anymore of. (more…)
WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals rookie phenom Bryce Harper will most certainly battle through a variety of injuries in what most expect to be a sterling career. Over the weekend he learned first hand one of the injuries young ballplayers endure.
“I sprained my cock.” admitted Harper after attempting to pick up 20 year old Georgetown University law student Melinda Barnes. “I was telling her about how I stole home against the Phillies a couple of weeks back and how things in the majors were kinda cool. She smiled and played with her hair a lot. That kinda got me going down in the genital area, if you catch my drift. Before you could say ‘lickety split’ my wanker was outta sorts.”
Harper met with team trainer Lee Kuntz shortly after injuring himself. (more…)
WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Houston Astros scored 5 runs in both the first and sixth innings Thursday night capping an 11-4 victory over the host Washington Nationals.
The Nationals missed scoring opportunities leaving nine men on base.
“We really sustained a level of ineptitude that kept our opponents in complete control,” said Nats manager Davey Johnson. “I’m glad we were able to give our fans a nice walk off loss.” (more…)
WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Perennial National League East cellar dwellers the Washington Nationals were hoping for something a little extra special under the tree this holiday season — namely a vastly improved ball club. But the great bringer of gifts himself, Santa Claus, was apparently unable to deliver. The jolly man in the red suit issued a statement through the North Pole News Agency at 12:15 AM, December 25th. The official statement read: (more…)
SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Washington Nationals, mired in last place in the National League East, 22.5 games out of first place, and possessing the worst record in baseball, received some good news going into the All-Star break; they are favorites to win this year’s Little League World Series. (more…)