Posts Tagged ‘Washington Nationals’

Middle Finger to be Seamlessly Integrated into Nationals’ Batting Signs for 2017

Friday, October 14th, 2016
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The Bird at Third. Nats Third Base Coach, Bob Henley, will add the middle digit to his routine under the direction of Dusty Baker.

VIERA, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) A lot was expected of the Washington Nationals this season, but they came up short in 2016 after losing the NLDS to the Los Angeles Dodgers. They’re the odds on favorite to win the NL East again in 2017 and go deep into the post season.  So, the idea of mixing things up in what appears to be a template for winning, might seem ill advised. However, that’s exactly what they’ll try out in spring training next February. Manager Dusty Baker has asked his coaches to employ the middle finger to his series of signs this season, and the staff said yes.

“Flipping someone off has long been my thing.” said Third Base Coach, Bob Henley. “So when Dusty asked me to add it, I couldn’t wait.”

Some of the Nationals players initially took offense to the idea of using sign, but most have accepted it. Now, several opposing teams are saying they’ll take the sign personally.   (more…)


A TSD Classique: Man Stunned When Wife Plops Right Down Next to Him to Watch Entire Ballgame

Thursday, June 30th, 2016
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Sofa So Good? Not really.

POTOMAC, MD (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Larry Frushon likes to unwind after a long day’s work with a beer, some pretzels, and baseball — specifically the Washington Nationals. He considers it his three-hour nightly escape from the rigors of the world, and a sanctuary from all responsibility.  That sanctuary was compromised on Wednesday evening when Frushon’s wife, Carolyn sat down next to him seconds before first pitch. Initially, Frushon got a kick out of it, thinking it was just a cute and short-lived gesture of support. However, by the fourth inning, as Carolyn was hanging on every pitch, and began asking questions, Frushon grew uneasy. (more…)


Nats’ Asst. Clubhouse Manager’s Domineering Mother Won’t Leave Locker Room

Tuesday, April 12th, 2016
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Mom’s the Word. Mother won’t take the hint.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals Assistant Clubhouse Manager, Nathan Landers, preps players’ lockers, cleans uniforms, and makes sure everything is in order for the team both at home and on the road. He owes much of his organizational skills to his mom, Dorothy. Though he acknowledges his mother’s attention to detail, he also claims she was an overprotective, manipulative nuisance during his childhood and adolescence, and still nags the 41 year old MLB employee on a daily basis with texts, phone calls, emails, and even hand written letters. Now, she’s taken things a step further.   (more…)


Despite Pleas From Fans, Phillies Say They’ll Play Second Half of Season

Friday, July 3rd, 2015

They’ve Had Their Phil of Losing. These Phillies fans protest the team’s plans to soldier on.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Philadelphia Phillies, winners of five straight NL East titles (2007-2011) have progressively spiraled out of contention the past three seasons. This year has taken the proverbial cake. The Phillies, with their 27-54 record, are the worst team in baseball at the 81 game halfway point on pace for a 108 loss season.

“It’s sorta like when Tylenol® has to recall millions of boxes of product cuz (because) of tampering.” said Phils’ skipper Pete Mackanin. “We need to send the whole team back to the factory. But we’ll keep trying.”

“Trying” is exactly what most Phillies fans claim they don’t want to see anymore of.  (more…)


Bryce Harper Late For Team Workout; But Brings Written Excuse from Mommy

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013

Harping on Harper. The kid claims he’s trying to do the right thing.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals second year sensation Bryce Harper is still feeling his way through the rough and tumble world of Major League Baseball. Yesterday in Miami he missed the team bus to Marlins Park and was late for workouts.

(more…)


Romney Says He’ll Repeal Washington Nationals

Monday, October 15th, 2012

Repealing Notion. GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney says the Nats will be the Nots.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In an unexpected and brief campaign stopover, Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney told a group of undecided voters on Saturday that he would “absolutely repeal” the Washington Nationals baseball team if he wins the election next month.

“There’s enough spending in Washington.” Romney said. “Why throw dollars on heartbreak?”

(more…)


Edwin Jackson Struggles With Own Existence as Jean Paul Sartre Sits Behind Home Plate

Monday, July 16th, 2012

No Edwin. Jean Paul Sartre's mind games with Nationals' Jackson reaching fever pitch.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Though all the tumblers have seemed to fall into place so far for the team from the nation’s capital, some odd things have happened during the Washington Nationals’ improbable run of greatness in 2012. Pitcher Edwin Jackson has twice been tormented from behind home plate by long deceased French existentialist philosopher, playwright, and political activist, Jean Paul Sartre.

Jackson is slated to start Monday’s game in Miami to complete a wrap around series with the Marlins.

“I know that dude’s gonna be there again. He’s got those crazy ass eyes and all. Fucks my shit up.” a clearly rattled Jackson told a small group of reporters Sunday. “He locks in on me with that unrelenting gaze, and within the first few pitches, I’m not feeling myself – as if, as if, I’m not of my own body. I can see myself floating in a sea of nothingness with no horizon – just blackness, no beginning, no end. I am neither here nor there, which has gotta be a bitch for the official scorer.”

Members from MLB’s league office are puzzled as to how one of the towering figures in 20th century philosophy, who died on April 15, 1980, can suddenly appear at a Major League game.  (more…)


Bryce Harper Suffers Sprained Cock While Picking Up Woman at DC Bar

Monday, May 21st, 2012

Ball Two. Bryce Harper needs to mature.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Washington Nationals rookie phenom Bryce Harper will most certainly battle through a variety of injuries in what most expect to be a sterling career. Over the weekend he learned first hand one of the injuries young ballplayers endure.

“I sprained my cock.” admitted Harper after attempting to pick up 20 year old Georgetown University law student Melinda Barnes. “I was telling her about how I stole home against the Phillies a couple of weeks back and how things in the majors were kinda cool. She smiled and played with her hair a lot. That kinda got me going down in the genital area, if you catch my drift. Before you could say ‘lickety split’ my wanker was outta sorts.”

Harper met with team trainer Lee Kuntz shortly after injuring himself.  (more…)


Nationals Electrify Fans with Walk Off Loss

Friday, April 20th, 2012

National Tragedy. Skipper Davey Johnson fields questions after walk off loss.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Houston Astros scored 5 runs in both the first and sixth innings Thursday night capping an 11-4 victory over the host Washington Nationals.

The Nationals missed scoring opportunities leaving nine men on base.

“We really sustained a level of ineptitude that kept our opponents in complete control,” said Nats manager Davey Johnson. “I’m glad we were able to give our fans a nice walk off loss.” (more…)


Santa and His Elves Unable to Deliver Real Team Under Washington Nationals’ Tree

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Nationals' Treasure? Nope, not this year. And Santa is bummed about his epic fail.

Nationals' Treasure? Nope, not this year. And Santa is bummed about his epic fail.

WASHINGTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Perennial National League East cellar dwellers the Washington Nationals were hoping for something a little extra special  under the tree this holiday season — namely a vastly improved ball club. But the great bringer of gifts himself, Santa Claus, was apparently unable to deliver.  The jolly man in the red suit issued a statement through the North Pole News Agency at 12:15 AM, December 25th. The official statement read: (more…)


Washington Nationals Favored to Win Little League World Series

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

 

The Nat Pack. The Washington Nationals are pumped to play at Howard J. Lamade Stadium in South Williamsport, PA.

The Nat Pack. The Washington Nationals are pumped to play at Howard J. Lamade Stadium in South Williamsport, PA.

 

 

SOUTH WILLIAMSPORT, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Washington Nationals, mired in last place in the National League East, 22.5 games out of first place, and possessing the worst record in baseball, received some good news going into the All-Star break; they are favorites to win this year’s Little League World Series. (more…)