Posts Tagged ‘World Series’

Daniel Murphy Bobbles Eggs and Bacon Breakfast at IHOP

Monday, November 2nd, 2015

Murphy’s Law. Oops. Sports psychologists on standby.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York Mets second baseman, Daniel Murphy made critical errors on consecutive nights adding to his team’s batch of costly mistakes ultimately resulting in his team losing the World Series. The Kansas City Royals defeated the Mets four games to one capturing just its second championship in team history.

Murphy, who dominated the first two rounds of the post-season with seven homers, all but disappeared offensively in the Fall Classic. But his glove, or lack thereof, took center stage. The sudden proclivity for booting things followed him into a local IHOP this morning. The infielder ordered scrambled eggs, bacon, a short stack, and coffee, but when the food arrived, he was unable to keep any of it on the table. Small children ran for cover as strips of crisp bacon were flying everywhere. (more…)

Bumgarner Warns Isis Hopefuls They’re All Doomed by His Pinpoint Grenade Tossing

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

Tossing Heat. Madison Bumgarner shows opponents what’s in store.

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, SYRIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Immediately after leading his San Francisco Giants to their third World Series title in five years, Fall Classic MVP, Madison Bumgarner hopped a supersonic transport to an undisclosed location inside Isis’ Syrian stronghold. The 25 year old pitching ace warned aspiring terrorists in training that they had no chance against his pinpoint accuracy and blazing out pitch — a grenade that appears to be away from you, then suddenly breaks inside and rises, reducing your head to “so many chunks of stew-like meat with bones.” (more…)

Rangers’ Colby Lewis Still Terrified; Thinks Pitching Coach is Frank Zappa

Friday, October 21st, 2011

Load of Zappa. He never really left us. Just ask Mike Maddux.


ST. LOUIS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The Texas Rangers tied the World Series one game a piece after their hurler Colby Lewis twirled a gem against the St. Louis Cardinals, allowing just one run over 6.2 innings. However, Lewis claims his success is largely due to what he calls a “profound inner uneasiness” whenever he’s forced to consult with pitching coach, Mike Maddux, the spitting image of long deceased iconic musician, Frank Zappa.

“He is Zappa man, he is fucking Frank Zappa!” a shaken Lewis said after the game. “Mike Maddux is an illusion, a figment, a specter, a mere doppelganger. Zappa lives dude!” (more…)

All Star Game Loss Gives Red Sox Chance to Sweep World Series at Fenway

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

Youk Bet Your Life! Kevin Youkilis all but guarantees Sox will win it all at home.

BOSTON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With a 5-1 victory over American League in Tuesday’s All Star Game, the National League earned a four games to three home field advantage in the 2011 World Series. But that’s not how the prognosticator’s favorite, Boston Red Sox view it.

“I’m so glad we lost.” said Sox infielder Kevin Youkilis. “Now, when we sweep the Phillies or Giants or Braves or Brewers of whatever, we’ll do it at Fenway, in front of 37,493 screaming Sox fans.” (more…)

Giants’ Closer Brian Wilson Admits Pitching Guys High and Tight Gives Him an Erection

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Evening Wood. Giants' closer Brian Wilson really gets up for his appearances.

SAN FRANCISCO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Fear the Beard. It is the battle cry – the mantra of sorts for wildly enthusiastic Giants fans. And the Beard is pitcher Brian Wilson, a closer brimming with talent and an oddball personality.

“Oddball personality?” chimed Texas Rangers outfielder Ian Kinsler after making the last out of Game One by flying out to right field. “That’s one way of putting it. The guy throws some serious cheese at my melon, and I’m looking at him, and he’s getting off right there on the mound with a big old, nasty, perverted smile on his face. Then he throws high and tight again, and now he’s got a stain on the front of his pants. Then he walks off the mound, roughs up a different baseball, and promptly gets me to fly out with something low and away. What the fuck is that? ” (more…)

With Phillies Loss in World Series, Philadelphia Fans Turn Sights to Rocky VII

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

Yo Philly! Stallone lays it on the line with a devastated city.

Yo Philly! Stallone lays it on the line with a devastated city.

PHILADELPHIA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The defending champion Philadelphia Phillies couldn’t not stave off elimination for a second time in Game Six of the 2009 World Series as the New York Yankees captured their twenty-seventh World Championship.

The clutch hitting of series MVP Hideki Matsui propelled the Yanks to a 7-3 victory and celebration in the Bronx.

Conversely, the mood on the streets of the City of Brotherly Love was somber. (more…)

WORLD SERIES Game One: Random Distraught Mets Fan Sets Himself Ablaze During Seventh Inning Stretch

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Mets Get Hot! Finally, something connected to the Mets gets hot, just in time for post season.

Mets Get Hot! Finally, something connected to the Mets gets hot, just in time for post season.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Benny Diablo, a 39 year old Mets fan from Queens, had seen enough. The thought of the hated, crosstown Yankees playing in their fortieth World Series turned his stomach. But seeing his National League East rival Phillies putting a 6-1 thumping on the Bronx Bombers sealed the deal. (more…)