Posts Tagged ‘Yankees’

TSD Classique: Sixteen Year Old Hipster Sports Writer Captures Nation’s Attention with Lack of Punctuation and Glaring Typos

Thursday, December 8th, 2016

 

 

 

teen-on-laptop-at-bedtime

WTF? This kid’s a star.

LARKSVILLE, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Kevin Kuchinski, one of the hottest young sports bloggers in the nation, has been described as a “one man literary revolution” with his wildly inaccurate sports reporting rife with grammatical errors and run on sentences.

The sixteen year old Northeastern Pennsylvania native has taken a queue from what has become acceptable internet correspondence form; Most notably a lack of punctuation, capitalization, and proper spelling, and transformed it into a white hot must read. (more…)


Robert De Niro’s Plan to Bring Third Baseball Team to New York Gets Raves at Press Conference

Friday, February 5th, 2016

Teamwork! That’s what Robert De Niro wants to see if he’s successful in bringing a third Major League franchise to New York.

NEW YORK  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As a boy, Robert De Niro didn’t know Mickey Mantle from Mickey Mouse. Though he had virtually no interest in the sport, he played a baseball player in Bang the Drum Slowly, played a deranged baseball fan in The Fan, and even whacked a guy with bat while playing Al Capone in The Untouchables. So it’s safe to say, he’s picked up a little bit about the game – a little bit.

But now De Niro is leading a group which plans on clearing space in the TriBeCa neighborhood and building a 45,000 seat stadium, to add the New York metropolitan area’s third Major League franchise. (more…)


Four Out of Five Doctors Agree Reggie is Still an Asshole

Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

 

Jackass. Reggie Jackson apparently can still deliver the goods.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Hall of Fame slugger Reggie Jackson may have mellowed over the years, but it seems the overall personality traits that often infuriated managers, fans, opponents and teammates alike remain firmly intact.

“I feel like if I know a fastball is coming, I can still jack one out of the yard,” said the  64 year old Jackson. “That’s a nice feeling to have. Its also a nice feeling to know that I can bewilder most pea brained homunculi with my near genius 149 IQ, witty repartie, still dashing good looks, and life-of-the-party magnetism. But be rest assured that should my sole recourse be rolling around in the intellectual mud, I can motherfuck someone up and down with the best of them.”

“Yep, he’s still an asshole,” said former Yankees teammate Craig Nettles. “That’s Reggie talking.” (more…)


Robert De Niro’s Plan to Bring Third Baseball Team to New York Gets Raves at Press Conference

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

Teamwork! That’s what Robert De Niro wants to see if he’s successful in bringing a third Major League franchise to New York.

NEW YORK  (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As a boy, Robert De Niro didn’t know Mickey Mantle from Mickey Mouse. Though he had virtually no interest in the sport, he played a baseball player in Bang the Drum Slowly, played a deranged baseball fan in The Fan, and even whacked a guy with bat while playing Al Capone in The Untouchables. So it’s safe to say, he’s picked up a little bit about the game – a little bit.

But now De Niro is leading a group which plans on clearing space in the TriBeCa neighborhood and building a 45,000 seat stadium, to add the New York metropolitan area’s third Major League franchise. (more…)


Yankees Celebratory Champagne Given to Bronx Wino

Friday, October 7th, 2011

Stop Whining? "Never" says this Yankee fan.

 

BRONX, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The lockers were outfitted with protective tarps, the bubbly was on ice, and winning was just a formality. Only the Yankees forgot to win. The Detroit Tigers shocked the Yanks and 50,960 fans in New York Thursday night defeating the Bronx Bombers 3-2.

But one fan is happy.

Calvin “Pappy” Douglas, the renowned wino who meanders aimlessly between 161st Street and River Avenue finds him self the proud new owner of twenty cases of Veuve Clicquot Brut Yellow Label. That’s because the Yankees were not in a celebratory mood, and donated their stash of champagne to the first taker, who just happened to be Douglas. (more…)


A-Rod Promises To Hit Home Run for Perfectly Healthy, Rich Kid

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

Yard Work. H. Prescott Kent lunching on his fabulously sprawling estate in Southampton with his Aunt Carolyn. They're celebrating Prescott's good news that a famous Latin athlete will "go yard" just for him.

LONG ISLAND, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Just days before his twenty-first birthday, H. Prescott Kent of the Southampton, New York Kents, learned he’d be receiving an unusual present. Slugger Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees announced he would hit a homerun for the young, cultivated eligible bachelor. Kent says he’s not a baseball fan, but may look in on the proceedings in a game scheduled against the Toronto Blue Jays next weekend. “It’s nice of Mr. Rod to do whatever he’s going to do for me,” Kent said. “If I’m so inclined, I may take in the game live or watch it in Daddy’s study.” (more…)


Yankees Announce Advance Forfeit of Weekend Series by Red Sox

Friday, April 8th, 2011

Loser. Self-loathing Red Sox fan Jerry O'Hanlon takes it all in stride.

BOSTON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Having seen their archrival begin the 2011 season with six losses and no victories, the New York Yankees announced late Thursday night that they have accepted a forfeit of the three-game weekend series in Boston, before the games have even been played.

“We talked about it on the plane after thumping Minnesota again,” Yankees manager Joe Girardi said.  “At first the boys on the team weren’t so sure, figuring it would be more fun to dominate them on the field as usual – followed of course by the ceremonial, candle lit, paddling in the locker room with the more than palpable homoerotic undertones – but after a few beers it became unanimous.”

Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman called the Red Sox main offices from the plane to convey the news. (more…)


Pettitte Retires; Teammates Relieved; No More Inappropriate Locker Room Hi Jinx

Friday, February 4th, 2011

Andy Did It Again. Pettitte moments after felling one of his teammates with a steamroller.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Long time New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte, announced his retirement from baseball on Friday after establishing himself has one of the greatest post-season pitchers in history.

Pettitte’s announcement leaves the Yankees with a huge void in their already suspect pitching rotation. But most of his teammates breathed a sigh of relief they’ll no longer have to endure excruciating towel snaps, Ben-Gay enemas, and shit-stained underpants at the buffet table. (more…)


Emotionally Fragile A-Rod Cries over Spilt Milk during Taping of “Got Milk?”Ad

Saturday, November 27th, 2010

A-hole! Alex Rodriguez’ unexpected emotional outburst during the taping of a Got Milk? commercial might go down in the annals of ad agency history as the most pathetic moment ever.

MIAMI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The idiom “It’s no use crying over spilt milk” was put to the test yesterday when New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez became emotional when a stagehand dropped a half gallon glass container of milk while rehearsing for a commercial in the revived Got Milk? ad campaign.

Rodriguez, who lives in Miami during the off-season, often tapes commercials and public service announcements and was excited about being part of the new batch of Got Milk? ads. But it became clearly evident early on in the taping session the three-time MVP was distraught over something. Diego Sanchez, a veteran South Florida production assistant who has worked on hundreds of commercials since the 1970’s, tripped on a wire and dropped the prop milk bottle. (more…)


The Yankee Mystique Isn’t a Real Thing Folks

Saturday, October 16th, 2010

Hugs and Pisses. Is the interlocking NY holy? Nope.

BOCA RATON (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Before the New York Yankees became the Yankees, that is before they pried away a guy named George Herman Ruth from the cash strapped Boston Red Sox on January 3, 1920, they were looking up at teams like the Sawks, the cross town New York Giants, and the mighty Philadelphia A’s. Its hard to believe there was a time in sports when the Yankees were just another team.

But they were.

And they still are just another team. Like the Lakers and Celtics and Canadiens and Cowboys and Steelers are just “another” team. (more…)


Four Out of Five Doctors Agree Reggie is Still an Asshole

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

Jackass. Reggie Jackson apparently can still deliver the goods.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Hall of Fame slugger Reggie Jackson may have mellowed over the years, but it seems the overall personality traits that often infuriated managers, fans, opponents and teammates alike remain firmly intact. (more…)


A-Rod Promises To Hit Home Run for Perfectly Healthy, Rich Kid

Monday, July 19th, 2010

Yard Work. H. Prescott Kent lunching on his fabulously sprawling estate in Southampton with his Aunt Carolyn. They're celebrating Prescott's good news that a famous Latin athlete will "go yard" just for him.

LONG ISLAND, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Just days before his twenty-first birthday, H. Prescott Kent of the Southampton, New York Kents, learned he’d be receiving an unusual present. Slugger Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees announced he would hit a homerun for the young, cultivated eligible bachelor. Kent says he’s not a baseball fan, but may look in on the proceedings in a game scheduled against the Kansas City Royals this weekend when A-Rod could be going for his 600th career dinger, unless he reaches the mark sooner. “It’s nice of Mr. Rod to do whatever he’s going to do for me,” Kent said. “If I’m so inclined, I may take in the game live or watch it in Daddy’s study.” (more…)